It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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