I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
