you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
