You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
