I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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