So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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