I could have mohawked her pubes.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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