Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I FOUND THE LEGS
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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