wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
