Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
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No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
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Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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