Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
