Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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