the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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