He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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