no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
