If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
