ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I could fuck to npr.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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