what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
