Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize
