My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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