Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
