Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
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