Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
