dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
