My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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