If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
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Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
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Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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