Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
