can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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