so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
