So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
