I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
