How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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