Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
i was born a porn star she said
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
