I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
