Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
