dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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