It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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