U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
She just used a chaser for red wine.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
