Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
