you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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