That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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