im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
