We need to start having sex underwater more often.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Randomize
