My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize