sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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