Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
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Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
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Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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