I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
