Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Randomize
