i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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