I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
