I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Drunk is not a location!
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
