ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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