When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
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