I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
