i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
