I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
