I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
