He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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