I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
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Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
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I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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