I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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