we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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