Swine flu is the new snow day.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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