Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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