Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
