Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
