I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Soap is not a condiment
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
i believe in u and ur pee
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize