I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
NoShamevember. You game?
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
